When you've been attached for long and you suddenly find yourself single, there are things that will hit you hard.
Gone are the days when you automatically have a date. Someone picks you up, has lunch and watches a movie with you, someone takes you home and kisses you goodnight. Say goodbye to those days when someone listens to your heartaches and gives you a hug to make your pain go away. Or how about those times when you're feeling depressed, and by instinct, you reach for his hand because it boosts you confidence just to know he's walking with you? Time to give that up as well.
Then you will also miss his family because his folks and brother has been good to you. Lastly, there are his buddies who have been nice to you. You know they're going to hate you for hurting their friend. Suddenly it hits you. Breaking up with him also means probably losing friendships you've made along the way.
After months of this "almost perfect" life, I realized I might have a mental disorder because I let go of this "almost perfect" world. But who am I kidding? I know I'm no longer happy. Am I going to stay in the relationship just because I've been with him for so long?
No one understands why I gave him up because they've been spectators to my terrific relationship for such a long time. But I know in my heart that I have these doubts bottled up inside that no one else sees.
Though our relationship seemed flawless, there really is no perfect relationship. I cannot keep living up to other people's expectations. The very same people who put our relationship on a pedestal.
Nothing can replace the feeling of having someone who loves me no matter what. Who is ready to catch me when I'm being such a klutz. It's the best feeling in the world. But before I can give myself to someone, I have to know first what is out there for me.
One of the factors that mede me decide to leave this relationship is my dream of finding my niche, finding my own self --- the real me amidst the fake people in this artificial world. I want to experience the world on my own. I don't want to give up the opportunity to live my own life, experience things on my own and learn from my mistakes just because of one person. I'm young. I want to live life and go with the flow. I need to have that confidence to go on an adventure I can call
my own. If not now, then when am I going to do this for myself?
I have to do something liberating. Give myself a break and enjoy my own company. At one point, I have to face my heartaches alone --- without expecting someone to hug me. And I also need to be known as
me, not somebody else's girl.
At one point, I have to face the world, learn to
hold my own hand and grow up.♥
