"There are a few things in life worse than a single girl with a broken heart."
Why, you ask? A single girl with a broken heart is like a car spinning out of control, she has lost her footing in a world that once seemed safe and familiar and no longer knows what to do or where to go. The betrayal, pain and loss from someone you believed in... Someone you loved is enough to send anyone down a ravine, but to a girl: life as she used to know it... Just doesn't exist.
I might not currently have a broken heart
(note: Rain and I are in good terms), but I have had my fair share of this misfortune that seems to befall almost anybody who has given love a chance. I have had friends do the craziest things because a broken heart is just too unbearable to deal with.
One of my best friends spent a semester's worth of tuition money on crazy drinking parties and gifts for any acquaintance who would stay with her just so she could intoxicate her mind enough that her boyfriend of almost 3 years left her on valentine's day for a friend. Another best friend, who I feel is one of the strongest women I know, was curled up in the middle of a resto/bar with tears running down her eyes, begging me to let her call the guy she just ended up with (for good reason too), another of my favorite babe's spent all the money she made from their business to split for a 4 month hiatus across South America to places where the face of her boyfriend of 4 years would never haunt her. I have had a best friend find me pouring tears in to my plate of kare-kare and bagoong with no words to describe the weight and pressure on my chest--- not to mention that I began to look like a "concentration-camp victim" because
unhappiness and an
appetite doesn't go together in my vocabulary.
Yes, a single woman with a broken heart is painful, wrong, and should not be felt by anyone. And yet, almost every woman I know has gone through it at least once. To those of you who have never been through this,
I hope you never do. To those who are going through this now or know someone who is, here are some advices that helped me (and it might help you too).
1. To finally end the pain, you have to go through it.
Cry, kick, scream, be angry, be sad--- just don't suppress it. Talk to good and close friends, break bottles, write it out somewhere. If you admit to yourself that you are allowed to feel pain, it won't be as bad as trying to keep it inside.
2. Getting over someone is like a shoreline over a typhoon.
Just like a beach after a storm, the tide will constantly be bringing in debris for the next few months or more. You might feel fine for a whole week and then a wave of debris comes pouring in and you feel the pain all over again. Believe me when I say: the debris will get less and less as time goes on, till the waves will bring in nothing but perfectly clean white sand. Accept it and it will be easier to deal with.
3. If it's really over, cut it clean.One of the hardest things about ending a relationship is losing the routine (seeing each other everyday, long phone calls at night, fixed movie partners, etc.). Many times we really just miss the constant companionship more than the actual love. People try to justify being friends with their "exes" during this crucial time when the heart is raw and emotions are still stinging your cheek because changing a person's routine is harder than it seems. Cutting all ties and communication might seem like the most difficult thing to do but it will actually be what will save your dignity (not to mention sanity) in the long run.
4. Avoid spinning out of control.
Yes, you've lost your center of gravity. Yes, it stings. It kills. You want it GONE! But the worts thing you can do to yourself is go crazy and try to be numb. Have wild drinking sprees, sleep with men whose middle names you don't even know, spend all your money, yada yada yada. Once you have regained your footing and you're completely over the relationship you will regret doing all those stupid stunts and wish you could crawl into a shell that will take you back in time. I've seen it a few times, and it's not pretty. Find a stable, smart and honest friend who you can lean on and help you go through the pain rather than take you on to parties to forget it.
5. Trust me when I say: IT WON'T LAST.
My friends will probably put their two cents worth at the end of this entry and I'd like to ask them to give a few words of encouragement. I don't exactly know why this is a topic I felt like tackling on this bright Sunday morning, but maybe it is in the hope that my experiences and those of the people I love will help others see that pain is part of growing up and life has a way of shutting doors so that better ones will open. =)
Song Playin': Faye Wong's Eyes On Me
