I didn't run away from you, I walk away slowly... And it kills because you didn't care enough to stop me. :'(

Ngayon alam ko na... Hindi pala ako kawalan sa'yo.

Song playin': Dashboard Confessional's The Best Deceptions

The nights had been starless.

Everytime I need hope or encouragement, I would stand by the doorway, and look up at the stars. It somehow makes me feel that there is a wonderful world out there, that life is beautiful. Something about the way they flicker in the dark night has this weird way of comforting my aching soul.

But the stars can't be around all the time. The past few days have been terribly rainy; clouds covered the sunshine during the day, and kept the stars hidden during the night. Where are the stars now that I need them? All I can feel is the rain, pouring like teardrops from heaven. I could hear the rhythm of raindrops, the burst of water falling from the sky. Like tears overflowing, it's like the angels above are feeling my pain.

I had seen it coming. I knew that once I fall, it would be a lot harder to get up. But I dared to dive. I had dared to venture into that deep forest where there might be no turning back once I get lost. And I am now lost. I'm going round in circles, trying to find my way out, only to realize that I've been going around the same places for so many times. It was my fault. I had ignored the signs. I ran towards the direction where my feet took me, where the wind blew. It was a move I had dared to take, and I can't blame anyone but myself for it.

The rain poured the whole day as if it never wanted to stop. That night I was with my close friends, I looked up at the overcast sky, trying to find a star--just one star, one sign that could tell me that this will get to something. All I needed was one star, one last string of hope I can hold on to. But the heavens have failed me.

Last night, as I was standing outside the church, I finally found my star. Not just one, but two, then three, and before I knew it, hundreds of stars were all shining again for me. After those turbulent, stormy days, the stars were there again. The night wasn't perfectly starry, but at least they were there. And as I look out at the window on a beautiful Friday morning like this, I know that the rainy days are over, at least for today...

2nd day of pre-lims today. We just had our Lab exams for Physical Science and Botany, then a long quiz on Botany lec. Gahd. My Botany prof really gets into me! She keeps giving long quizzes and we have to memorize all those alien words... Fuck!

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I'm currently at Phoenix Cafe with the tropaz. Just bonding and killing time. Ayaw pa namin umuwi. Origin Coffee near our school is good too. I über love the place and the music... So soothing =)

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Ooops! I almost forgot, I'll meet Jermaine at 7-11 pala, bonding din kami then we'll visit our beloved alma mater... I wonder who we'll see.. Hmm. Gotta go!

Song Playin': L'arc~en~Ciel's Pieces

Ano bang nangyayari sa mundo? Bakit color gray lang ang nakikita ko? O ako lang ang may diperensya? Ayoko ng ganito... Natapunan ba ng bleach ang mundo kaya nawalan ng kulay? Di bale, bibili na lang ako ng crayons tapos kukulayan ko ulit ang earth...





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Minsan na nga lang ako magkaron ng lollipop, inagaw mo pa... :'( Gusto ko ng lollipop, 'yung istrawberi pleybor... Sino pwede magbigay?

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Sana bukas paggising ko may kulay na ulit mundo...

Question: What is worse than having no boyfriend?

Answer: Having guys literally surround you --- woth none of them seemingly the least bit interested in you.

Prospect Check:

Joshua. Prince of Air, Mr. Management who never paid any attention to me. But Robert said. "Lagi ka raw niya naiisip at nagugustuhan ka na niya." Hmmm.
Dwight. Mr. Management and Dean's Lister. Brainy high and a looker. Very accomodating and approachable. Can he like me?
Bhotnie. Nah! May crush daw sa'kin?
Kim. My first love. Still waiting.
Chris. The library guy. He asked for my number. Hmm.

Gahd. If I convert all the time and energy I spend mooning over guys I could probably light up the entire Makati Central Business District. For two weeks.

(No Boyfriend Since Birth)

Song Playin': Air Supply's All Out Of Love

Maybe I'm not over him. But then again, maybe I don't want to be.

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon naramdaman kong matapang ako. Tinanong ko na sa kanya ang lahat ng tanong na bumabagabag sa akin. Sinabi ko na ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin at nararamdaman ko. Sapat na 'yon. Nagawa ko na ang lahat. Sa palagay ko wala nang pag-asa pa. Kaya aalis na 'ko. Hindi ko na hihintayin pa ang sagot mo. Pero aasa pa rin ako na pwede mo akong mahalin. Sana. Mamahalin pa rin kita kahit sabihin mo mang...

Salamat kay kakosang Paulo at soulmate. Salamat sa pag-intindi at 'di pag-iwan sa 'kin. Salamat sa tiwala. Salamat sa mga payo. Salamat sa pagmamahal. Salamat sa malasakit. SALAMAT sa LAHAT. Mahal na mahal ko kayo.

Paano ba maging masaya?

Top 8 Melanie Marquez quotes:

1. I couldn't care a damn! (Huwatt?!)
2. What's your next class before this? (Before or after? Labo.)
3. Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top? (Ulitin natin hanggang mamatay tayo!)
4. Hello, my brother Joey is out of town. Would you like to wait? (E kung ikaw kaya maghintay?)
5. Don't touch me not! (OK, hindi na nga 'di ba?)
6. Hello? For a while please hang yourself. (Patayin daw ba 'ko?!)
7. You!!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore! (Oh yeah, anymore!)
8. Come, let's join us! (Tara lets! Hahaha!)

Laughter is still the best medicine.

Tatawa na lang ako ng tatawa. Kasi masaya ako. :D

Dadaanin ko na lang sa kanta. Dadaanin ko na lang sa tawa ang lahat, pati na problema. Heto lamang ang naiisip kong paraan.

Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako.Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako. Magiging masaya ako.

We don't have afternoon classes last Friday. The profs had a meeting in Mendiola. Yey! And that calls for a gimmick!

The buddies: Tin, Iris, kuya Robert, Nadz, KC and Lovely.

The place to be: G4

We're all starving so we headed to Mcdo first near our school to eat. We're supposed to take a cab since it's raining but some insisted we ride the jeepney kasi mas mura daw. Iris, Lovely and I headed to Timezone, I'm dying to play boxing kasi. Hehehe. The rest went to the cinemas to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Gahd. Wudjubiliv?! Almost 3 hours 'yung movie! Katamad kaya maghintay!

Next stop: The tea square. Lovely intorduced me to a cool new drink, refreshing mint. Nakaka-relax, grabe. Try niyo. Tapos we went to Starbucks. Ang takaw ko raw sabi ni Iris and Loves. Hahaha. Get used to it guys.

Since matagal ang movie, we went to Citywalk. We went through racks of clothes and accessories there at sobrang mura nila. More like the Greenhills tiangge.

Whew. It's been a really looooong day. But I had one hell of a good time! Oh yeah!





Song Playin': After Forever's Monolith of Doubt

I'm so excited to turn 17. It's my favorite number. A lot of good and bad things happened every 17th. Maybe they're just coincidences, but still... Before midnight striked yesterday, I prayed that something good will happen. Something that can make me happy. I was thinking about Kim. He's the only one who can turn my sad face right side up in an instant. My happiness depended on him. It rained really hard during my birthday and classes were suspended (nakisama ang panahon sa aking pagdadalamhati). I'm secretly hoping that I would receive a text message from Kim, greeting me a very happy birthday but I realized that I'm just waiting for nothing. This is the saddest biurthday I ever had. Or so I thought. I felt stupid though, to think that he is my ONLY happiness. I failed to see the love of the people around me. I failed to realize that a lot of people truly care for me. I felt like a stupid shit trying to seek love from someone who doesn't even care about me wherein there are a LOT of people around me, ready to give their love freely.

These are just some of the lines from very special people in my life that made my birthday wish come true:

Mama: Happy birthday Iris...

Alexa: Uy... Hapie bday p0... :)

Maod: iris jiLL diaz! (tLgng bnuo e, noh!) hehehe.:) hApi bDay ngA pLa, bRuhA k!iLaN tAoN kn?hAhA.:) D aK mkSEnd sAu knNa pEstE.hehe

Bie: Mama.. Happy birthday! ü i may not be the first to greet yah.. But i h0pe iL b the very last to greet yah from this day.. Ganda ng bday m ma, mahangin!ü wla. Lng.. Bsta, nax! 17 [seventeen] n rn xa s wkas!ü haha..Geh ma.. Lhat ng pr0blems?ü hmm.. Kya m yan.. God will never give you such situations kun dmo kya.. Believe lng ma.. Sa srili m, chka ky God..ü luvyah.mama.iris! ü

Len: mahal naman kta sis eh.ü maraming nagmamahal sa'yo. ü

Chel: ano ka ba. wla yon. kaw pa. chaka alm ko ung nrrmdman m. preho tyong d mkaalis eh. kya dama kta. sna nk2long ung mga cnbi ko dun syo. kitanga tyo mnsan ng mkpgusap tyo ng mcncnan. hehe..

Joey: Ive bin luking 4 u, bt unf0rtun8ly w ddnt bump in2 each 0dr. ü wel, i jst wntd 2 grit u 'merry x-mas n a hapPy new yr'. NdE hapPy bday, ü i went hme n, m22log pk.ü

Mommy Pash: Ay. Bibi. Happy bday. ü

Verna: sis, hapi bday! ü

Marian: Uy, bday gurl... happy birthday.. tma ba aq? ü

Kat, Paulo, Mei and Jermaine called me up just to greet. Nakaka-touch, sobra. At kahit 'di niya ako binati, para sa'kin ayos lang. Naging masaya ako. Walang biro.

Bottom line: Friends, family and God are the three things we can't live without. They offer love, care and support freely. It's the best thing! :-)

Happy 17th birthday to me! :-)

Saturday, July 08

Waaaahh! I loooove Nadine!!! Nilapitan niya si Joey at tinawag para lang maipakilala na sa 'kin! Duh. I don't have the guts kasi to say "Hi kuya Joey!" to him kahit siya na mismo ang nagsasabing batiin ko siya para makilala niya 'ko. Yey! Kiligers na naman ako... Hahaha!! Am soooo happeee!!! =) =)


Tumambay kami sa Mcdo since wala kaming prof for Botany Lab. Ayon, dapat Starbucks e, kaso si Lovely sumama sa birthday ni Hanni, sila Tin ayaw sa Starbucks kaya I ended up goin' to Mcdo. Masaya naman, I had a good time. Masaya kasama sila Tin, Iris at Nadine e. Then we went to Waltermart to meet kuya Robert and ate Kharen. Asar! Sabi ng friend ni ate Kha, ayaw sa 'kin ni Joshua! The nerve! Itsura niyang 'yon?! Leche talaga!

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Sunday, July 09

May sakit si Joey. Waaah... Kung pwede lang na ako na lang bumili ng gamot niya e. Hahaha.

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Monday, July 10

Kumain kami sa Mcdo (again) ni kuya Robert, Tin and Iris. Linchak na COMPASS election 'yan, antagal. At may nasabi si kuya Robert 'bout kay Joey. May pinopormahan daw sa Tourism. At maganda 'yung girl ha, in fairness talbog ako. Sh*t. Na naman?

I have tried closing my heart because I'm afraid of crying and getting hurt. But I decided to open it again but when I did, OUCH! AGAIN?

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Nag-reply si Kim sa message ko sa friendster.


Date: Saturday, 8 July, 2006 4:50 AM

Subject: bkit???

Message: ...i d0n't kn0w wAt to say...ndi cguR0 dhil s maNhid but...eWan q0... s0ri nga pla kng d kta piNansin mAybeLast weEk ata un...mAY iniisip kc aq nun.nweiZ,txt m0 k0 pra magkalinWagan tau...mAlab0 baaq0?????.......09215873744 # ko yan...ingatZ p0 plaGi...G0d Bless.

Anong sasabihin ko dyan? E manhid naman talaga siya.

Song Playin': Utada Hikaru's First Love

Krishia and tito Arthur arrived at 5pm yesterday!!! Yehey!!! Miss ko na sila e! It's been two damn years since I last saw them. Susunod na lang daw si tita Jasmin on the 20th of the month. Shasha (as we call Krishia) will be staying for two months. How's that?! Lots of time for kilig and bonding moments with my closest cousin. Suuuuppeer excited atoh!! =D She bought me a Bvlgari watch, color blue, my favorite!!! At naalala pa niyang blue ang favorite ko! =) She speaks Italian and French really good. Hmm... I might as well have her teach me too! :P Saya!!! I'm really lookin' forward to spending moments with them... This is soooo FUN! I'll update next time. My head aches. Me needs sleep...

Sweet dreams! Zzzzzz.. =)

Song Playin': Kjwan's Daliri

"I still love you." I said. You ignored me and vanished into the eerie roads of FORGOTTEN...

Hell week! Hell weeeeeek!

Chapter test for Algeb on Wednesday. Still got tons of HWs to do. Phy Sci Lab and Lecture quiz today. Kim's not replying to any of my messages. P.E. is on Wednesday again (and I hate the subject, OK the prof). My stomach aches. Ican't find the guts to talk to Josh. Darn!

I'd rather hear the truth than be hurt with a LIE. But though I try, I can't find the words to say goodbye.

Ayon, we watched The Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift in Glorietta. Hangganda nung movie, nga lang 'di namin naumpisahan. At ang kulit ni Tin. Ingay sa loob ng theater. I'm sure the people there got pissed. Hahaha!

Song Playin': Beyonce's Crazy In Love

I feel so bad yesterday. Actually, until now. I wish I never did what I did. Call me selfish, I'll accept it. I went out on a date with Tin, Iris and kuya Robert yesterday. My plan was to turn him off. It worked! Na-TO nga siya. I thought I'm gon' be happy... but am not. Why is this so? At ngayon nanghihinayang ako dahil mas nagugustuhan na niya si Tin, whereas ako talaga 'yung gustio niya... Damn! I can't understand myself!!! I know for a fact na hindi ko siya gusto as my boyfriend, but tell me bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? Eunice said, ang selfish ko daw.Totoo naman e. Kasalanan ko ba?

I called Chel. I really need to talk to her. And the baggage became lighter. Salamat Chel :)

I just have to let this all out. Inaya ko si Eunice sa Starbucks 'cause I swear I really needed coffee. I got a Venti Mocha Frapu.

I hope this will go away. I hate this feeling. Thanks Eunice for listening to me and accompanying me today. Love you Mama! :-)